Whether it's related to your health, job, relationships, safety, or financial security, we all have worries. Depending on our personality and circumstances, some of us may worry more frequently than others.
An article by PsychCentral shared the views of two experts in the field, Alex Dimitriu and Valentine Dragomoir, who explained the reasons behind our worries as a "natural alarm system" that alerts us to potential dangers and serves as a way to protect us when we identify a problem. Additionally, fear of events beyond our control, caring too much, and overthinking also contribute to our worries.
How much time do we spend worrying? According to a 2020 study of 2,000 adults reported by Mirror, women spend almost 2 hours per day worrying or feeling anxious, while men spend about 1.5 hours per day. However, parents, perhaps not surprisingly, spend an average of 3 hours a day worrying about their children throughout their lives. This amounts to a staggering 89,554 hours or 3,731 days, equivalent to 10 years of a lifetime. Primary concerns for parents include financial challenges with childcare, bedtime routines, and their child's safety, with bullying being the fourth concern, as reported by Huffington Post UK.
But how often do our worries actually come true? Researchers at Penn State University revealed that only 8.6% of the things we worry about materialise. This means that less than one in ten worries becomes a reality, and the outcome is often better than expected about one-third of the time. Despite this, many of us still tend to imagine all the possible things that could go wrong in life.
Reflecting on the various challenges clients bring to each session, I've noticed a remarkable pattern. Their newfound positivity and relief from worries don't stem from finding absolute certainty or a magical cure for their problems. Whether it's panic about an upcoming public speech, an important job interview, or fear of not being good enough for a job promotion, the transformation occurs when their minds shift into an active state of thinking and planning. What helped is by actively engaging in the process, seeking understanding of the underlying causes, and identifying proactive steps for better preparation. Their worries gracefully transform into confidence, providing a sense of security and control over the uncertain future. In fact, many have shared with me that they feel much better simply by talking about their problems during the session. This is supported by studies (Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser, & Glaser, 1988) that show talking and sharing our problems and negative emotions with someone we trust can reduce stress, strengthen our immune system, and alleviate physical and emotional distress.
Throughout each coaching session, I employ various approaches and tools depending on each individual's circumstances, with primary focused on asking questions and actively listening to facilitate deep thinking in my clients. I have summarised these into three simple steps - The "3 As," in helping you reduce your worries:
1 Assess: Take time to evaluate and understand the source, nature, and impact of your worries. Explore what triggers your worries and consider possible impacts from past experiences, beliefs, values and expectations. Pay attention to the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that accompany your worries.
2 Analysis: Have you faced similar fears in the past? Identify coping mechanisms that have helped and those that haven't. This can provide valuable insights into potential approaches for your current worries. Consider additional strategies as well. What resources or support systems are available to you? Are there people you trust, professionals who can assist you, or a pair of safe ears willing to listen? Recognising helpful resources can provide you with a sense of support and reduce concerns by knowing that you don't have to face these challenges alone.
3 Action: Now that you have done the hard work of reflection and come up with a list of things that help, think about what is practical and feasible for YOU to take action and follow through with. Remember, you set the rules here, so adjust your plans accordingly to ensure they are attainable and achievable for you.
Don't let fear hinder you from living and creating a better future for yourself. While the future is uncertain, and it may often feel like we have little control over the outcome, what we do have control over is how we react and approach it. By taking proactive steps to address our worries, we can improve our physical and mental well-being and live a happier life.
So, what would be the first step you take to reduce your worry or anxiety today? If you feel the need to speak to someone about your worries, who would that person be?
*If your worry becomes excessive or starts interfering with your daily functioning, it may be helpful to seek support from a doctor or a mental health professional. Please note that this is outside the scope of coaching.